An Open Plea to the yet unscarred (without Tattoos)

The following letter to the editor appeared today in a local newspaper.  It's an apparent attempt to convince young ladies who have not yet scarred their bodies with what has become known, and unfortunately accepted, as "art," to think twice before making a huge mistake.

An Open Plea to the yet unscarred

To the editor:

At the risk of offending a large number of people frequenting our  beaches, I want to offer some heartfelt advice to every young girl  who has not yet engaged in the repulsive practice of scarring her body with so-called art. 

You should know that this low class practice, which has become all the rage, was formerly indulged in here in this country only by sailors (and usually drunken sailors).  Don’t let the fact that the practice is now engaged in not only by sailors and drunken sailors, but also by wannabe sailors, pretty young girls, and even older women who wish they were still pretty young girls, influence you. 

Do a little research on the web, and you’ll find the following interesting information:

“Tattooing has been a Eurasian practice at least since Neolithic times. Ötzi the Iceman, dating from the fourth to fifth millennium BC, was found in the Ötz valley in the Alps and had approximately 57 carbon tattoos consisting of simple dots and lines on his lower spine, behind his left knee, and on his right ankle.  Other mummies bearing tattoos and dating from the end of the second millennium BC have been discovered, such as the Mummy of Amunet from Ancient Egypt and the mummies at Pazyryk on the Ukok Plateau... 

“...The decoration of blues singer Janis Joplin with a wristlet and a small heart on her left breast, by the San Francisco tattoo artist Lyle Tuttle, is taken as a seminal moment in the popular acceptance of tattoos as art.”

Janis Joplin, by the way, died at the age of 27. “The official cause of death was an overdose of heroin, possibly compounded by alcohol.”  

The Mayo Clinic lists the following risks associated with tattoos: Allergic reactions, Skin infections, Other skin problems, Bloodborne diseases, and MRI complications.  More detailed information on each of those bonuses can be found on the Mayo Clinic website, and, while your computer is open, google “Think Before You Ink: Celebs Who've Removed Their Tattoos.”  They can all tell you just how painful, and expensive, the removal of their mistakes actually was.  

So, my heartfelt advice to all the young ladies who have not yet allowed themselves to be inducted into a group that includes Ötzi the Iceman, the Mummy of Amunet, and Janis Joplin, and who might be a little squeamish about the above mentioned risks, and who might want to think twice about the pain and expense of correcting a foolish mistake, is simply this: Just Don’t Do It!  PLEASE DON’T DO IT!