A Proper Apology to Islamic Fascists and Terrorists.

(click to enlarge)

This unofficial notice (slightly sanitized) arrived here today by E-Mail from a friend:

DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE

OFFICE OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS AND APOLOGY (OOPCAA)

DIRECTIVE

27 February 2012

FROM: The Office of Political Correctness and Apology (OOPCAA)

TO:      All Armed Services Personnel Active and Retired (Especially Marines, SEALS, Special Forces and Airborne)

Subject:   Proper apology to Islamic Fascists and Terrorists.

In keeping with the President, the Secretary of Defense, and Commanding General of NATO in Afghanistan recent apologies to Muslim peoples for the accidental burning of Korans the following directive is issued:

BACKGROUND:   All personnel are aware that the President has established bowing before members of Islamic royalty. This is an appropriate behavior because the United States has shown these individuals disrespect by purchasing their oil and fighting their wars. It has become apparent that bowing is insufficient to show the proper supplication before the Islamic hoard, especially in light of the recent Koran burning incident. It makes no difference that the Korans were used to pass messages between terrorists. This was only because their computers and cell phones were not functioning. Nor does it make any difference that according to Sharia Law, Korans are not to be written in, and if so are to be destroyed by fire.  Furthermore it is irrelevant that last year the CO of Bagram Air Base destroyed Christian Bibles because he deemed them offensive to Muslims (after all they are?) Because of the above the following listed action(S) will be taken:

Commencing on Friday March 3 (Muslim Sabbath) at 0700 hrs all military personnel worldwide will commence a Groveling (Apology) Exercise.  Units will assemble all personnel appropriately attired in Dress Uniform (Medals and Decorations) in ranks. All ranks will face Mecca and on the preparatory command, Prepare to Grovel all ranks will advance the left foot 18 inches. On the command, Grovel, all ranks will immediately assume the position of both knees on the ground (Deck for Marines and sailors) with the forehead touching the ground. At the count of four all personnel will grovel while reciting, I am sorry. I am sorry. Please don't be mad at me. This phase will be repeated ten (10) times. Upon the completion of ten repetitions of in place Groveling, the Command, Cease Groveling will be given, the ranks will be brought back to the position of Attention, and Parade Rest for further instruction on proper treatment of the Islamo Fascists. 

Officers and NCOs will ensure that Groveling is performed in a military manner similar to the Low Crawl with the buttocks in a level position facing away from Mecca (NOTE: Representatives of the Department Homeland Security will be on hand to report infractions of the Butt Rule).  Special attention will be given to those with Bronze Stars and above, since it is rightly assumed that these individuals have aggrieved more Islamo Fascists.

Special Instructions for Retired and Disabled Personnel:  Retired personnel and disabled personnel are permitted to grovel while seated in wheelchairs if no attendants are available. Personnel with Walkers are permitted to Grovel while standing with the Walker. Because of the above consideration, the above listed disabled personnel are expected to flagellate themselves with their canes while groveling.

All personnel are encouraged to reflect on their personal conduct with the Islamo Fascists over the last nine years. After all they are only trying to convert you to a better way of living your life as a Stone Age Neanderthal, and you have been trying to kill them.

If the above designated corrective action does not show positive results immediately, more drastic action such will be taken, again led by the President, Secretary of Defense, and NATO Commander.